The End of Star Wars

21 Mar , 2006  

This is George Lucas. He likes money, A LOT.

So it’s happening, George Lucas intends to put the final nail in the coffin with a TV series. I honestly hope that this new TV series featuring a young Luke in growing up on Tatooine is an early April Fools joke. I doubt it is, as I’m sure every marketing person and Lucas himself sees dollar signs in their eyes.

What the series should be

Let’s see, Luke sitting around, fixing moisture vaporators, hanging out at Toshi Station buying power converters, and blasting whomp rats with his T-16. This is the only thing it can be because it is what the story says Luke was doing. When he got into his whole mess in Episode 4 he was an ignorant and oblivious farm boy who knew nothing about anything. I cannot stress this enough. His innocence to the whole galactic war was the main selling of his character as an unlikely hero for the alliance. So, if the world is perfect, and George Lucas and his money grubbing cronies have found the error in their ways, the show should bomb because no one wants to watch a kid fix moisture vaporators all day.

What the show will be

Luke Skywalker finds himself magically attuned to some kind of power that he seemingly can’t explain. He gets into all kinds of wacky adventures with every single piece of trash in the galaxy. He is visited multiple times by every evil and good character we already know, and every single poorly thought out character we don’t. Jar Jar Binks (a very old Jar Jar) visits and everyone watching will want to kill themselves. Luke will learn about the force and use a lightsaber which will make the original movie incoherent when he asks what the hell this force thing really is. You don’t think Lucas will do it? How about that Obi Wan who had all those adventures with C-3PO and R2D2 and then magically ignores his knowledge of them in Episode 4.

I don’t even know anything about this show yet and I already hate it. He says, “that it was unlikely any of the stars of the movies would be involved in the TV series.” Right … but we can make up Jedi Masters right? And Empire admirals and new Darth’s. That is until the ratings drop, then we can bring in Leia! But before that we should bring in Mark Hamill to play a different character, boy that would be a hoot!

There is one promising aspect to this, as they said the series would be “much more dramatic and darker.” Great, at least it won’t be all jokes and marketing trash. But the only way to save the series would be to make it very dark, like KILL LUKE SKYWALKER AND PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED. Yeah, at the end of the series, just say it was a dream. Then maybe we will all forgive you.

Until then, Star Wars is officially dead (except for the few writers who actually understand Star Wars), because George Lucas has completely lost touch.

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