First, let’s start with a good blue print of what makes up my personality. I am an INJT. This is a personality type from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion “Does it work?” to everything from … Continued

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How to Deal with Me (or any INTJ)

26 Nov , 2012  

First, let’s start with a good blue print of what makes up my personality. I am an INJT. This is a personality type from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion “Does it work?” to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake … INTJs are known as the “Systems Builders” of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait of combining imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause; both perfectionism and disregard for authority come into play. Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ’s Achilles heel … This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals … Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.

This is probably a good summary of my thinking, and I could not agree more. Most of you people make zero sense. You walk around riding highs and lows of your emotions, and discard logic or rationality out the window. While I cannot really comprehend where you are coming from, at least I am logical enough to understand that is what happening. Perhaps you can provide me with a guide on how to deal with you.

Here are some things to keep in mind if you have contact with me, in no particular order.

I will debate you on everything.

This is the most important point of this entire post. There is no subject that is sacred and free from the constant debate. In my mind, all ideas (mine and yours) are supposed to (hell, we have an obligation to) constantly test them and discard, modify, or keep them based on their merits. This makes me seem argumentative, and many times if engaging a debate with someone who has no interest in debating, makes me seem like I believe I am always right.

This is actually not completely true. I believe I am right until evidence is provided otherwise, of which I am perfectly willing to absorb and integrate into my own ideas.

This extends to the very metaphysical world, and a comprehensive philosophy that drives all life. If I find new information or a new idea that is better than an existing one, or makes more sense, I will gladly discard entire portions of my “life system” in favor of the new one.

This also makes me seem like I might have constantly shifting opinions. This is false. Rigidify to new ideas is the worst thing imaginable to an INTJ because new information and ideas are paramount to all other things, so my shifting opinions are just flexibility in an obviously changing world. This is a completely rational view of things.

I don’t necessarily believe what I am debating you on.

This is also an important one, and an extension of the previous one. I will engage in hours of debate with someone on a subject on which I believe the exact same position as them. Why would someone waste time like that you ask? Well, I am not exactly sure, but I find that this kind of debate usually leads to a more concise viewpoint and may even lead to more ideas down the same path.

This can also be incredibly infuriating when this tactic is revealed. I don’t know how many times the debate has reached it’s natural conclusion and I tell the other person that I really believed what they thought the entire time, and was just taking the opposing view to have a debate. Do not take offense or believe that I was deliberately wasting your time (what, you don’t like to debate?!?), I was merely making sure that the idea was tested appropriately.

Excuse my warped, blunt and sarcastic humor

This one is easy. I don’t understand your “human” emotions or your emotional needs. So let me apologize in advance for offending you with my humor. You can rest assured that I understand the significance, historical reference and all cultural ambiance related to the sarcastic warped comment I just made, so there is no reason to take offense.

I Don’t Understand your Emotions (or my own)

Do not get angry when I do not pick up on, understand, or provide any kind of emotional support. It is not that I do not care, the unfortunate truth is that I don’t even understand (or even want to understand) my own emotions, so how could I understand yours?

Do Your Research

The quickest way to create a situation where your feelings get hurt and the conversation (debate) gets quickly out of hand is to come to the table with an ill-thought out idea. If what you are saying does not make sense and you cannot back it up reasonably well, then I will have to mercilessly destroy your idea until there is nothing left.

I mean no offense during this process, as I am sure your idea sounded great to you, however it is necessary to keep the universe in order. Sorry.

I Expect You to be Like Me

This one probably confuses people the most. It usually plays out like this.

  1. We have a rational debate.
  2. You present your arguments.
  3. I present my arguments.
  4. Your arguments are weak.
  5. My arguments are strong.
  6. You should be convinced.
  7. The universe is now in order.

Unfortunately, many people seem not comprehend step 6. If your arguments are not rational or do not make any sense and mine are rational, then you must yield. If you do not, then the world is not in order.

Don’t you people want the world to be in order?!?

It is very likely that you and I will not know each other very long if we cannot get past #6. This is not hubris, as if you were to give me an argument that made sense and I was convinced I was wrong, I would gladly yield and acknowledge that you were right.

The bottom line is that I expect people to act in sane, logical and rational ways. When they don’t, it makes the entire system of human interaction break down.

Irrationality Gets the Boot

As an extension to the above, if you behave in an irrational manner or present continual arguments that make no sense, be prepared to at best become a running joke and at worst get the boot from our lives completely.

Irrationality cannot be tolerated and must be aggressively destroyed at all times.

Being Critical is a Compliment

If I am being very critical of one of your ideas or thoughts, then you should feel encouraged. You see, your idea is getting the same treatment as every thought that passes through my head. It is evaluated, picked apart, weighed, disassembled, assembled, and either used or discarded. In the process you may find that your idea is completely changed, but it was changed into something better!

Do not be offended when your idea becomes barely recognizable in a flurry of my own. As I said, internally I am always destroying my own ideas, so why should yours be any different.

You should take offense (or probably more accurately see the point doing your research above) if I do not give your idea this treatment. It means that it is not even worth the time to deconstruct because it can be dismissed offhand.

I Don’t Care What You Think About Me

A life of debate has basically trained me to not care if you think I am an arrogant asshole. The fact of the matter is I brought forth my vision and exposed it for you to disassemble and refine and you failed (if you didn’t then we wouldn’t be examining why you think I am an arrogant asshole). You need to see the above points because you took offense when you shouldn’t have.

I Like Being Alone Sometimes

No offense, but being around people is exhausting. After a long day dealing with all you people, my life is drained out of me. I need to be alone with my thoughts, or looking up precious information, or working on some sort of quantitative analysis, or reading some deep philosophy, or some other internal pursuit.

It is nothing personal, and it doesn’t really mean anything about any personal relationships with the people that I ignore when alone. It just means that, generally, I find other people exhausting. It probably has to do with constantly having to shoot all of your ideas down.

Do Not Tell me What to Do

Oh wow. This is probably the worst. You see, each idea, order, or other thought must go through “the filter” and be judged as any other. You must understand that anything that tries to bypass this filter is immediately suspect, and pushing that fact will get you on my bad side very quickly.

The bottom line is that the process an INTJ takes to evaluate an idea is the only acceptable process. Telling an INTJ what to do essentially tells him or her that their process is invalid, and then telling someone to do is also not debatable.

It is very likely that I will simply ignore your order, or even better do the exact opposite, especially if your order doesn’t make sense anyway.


Enjoy this F.A.Q. that I got from INTJ Central, as it more humorously teaches you about INTJs. All of these apply to me.

Q: Where can I find an INTJ?

A: We INTJs are über-introverts, so we prefer asynchronous and semi-anonymous forms of communication. We get most of our socialization through internet forums and Usenet newsgroups. Look for us there.

Q: Can I become an INTJ?

A: Unless you are born an INTJ, your only hope is to find a genie lamp while strolling on the beach, rub it, and make a wish. You can fake being one of us by burying yourself in a mound of books, nerding out on a favorite subject (like quantum mechanics, not needlepoint), wandering around by yourself, not giving a damn what others think of you, etc. If this sounds like too much work, just try doing a good robot impersonation.

Q: How can I break up with my INTJ?

A: Tell us the truth. We’ll reply, “Sure, why not?”, and go on with our lives.

Q: My INTJ is trying to take over the world. Should I be concerned?

A: Remember, he’s trying to take over the world for the betterment of everyone and everything. Just go ahead and let him. He’ll be happy and the world will be a more organized and efficient place.

Q: My INTJ just told me I’m retarded. Should I take offense?

A: You probably are retarded, by our standards. But don’t take offense. Our standards are so high that even we don’t meet them. We judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others.

Q: My INTJ isn’t sensitive to my feelings. Should I take offense?

A: We aren’t even sensitive to our own feelings. Why should we be expected to be sensitive to yours? We won’t even try to fake it. Insincerity is a pet peeve of ours, and anyway, it would ruin our reputation if we ever showed emotion.

Q: Why doesn’t my INTJ ever show emotions or feelings?

A: Because he doesn’t have any. Actually, that’s not strictly true; it’s just that we tend to get emotional about things you might not appreciate. INTJs have been known to cry during the liftoff scene in “Apollo 13″, for example, and there are also many touching moments in some of the Star Trek movies. An INTJ may also smile or laugh at random for no apparent reason; probably one of the voices in his head just made a good joke.

Q: My INTJ doesn’t care about me any more after he tried to explain his idea and I didn’t listen. What should I do?

A: Ideas are of prime importance to INTJs, and disregarding or not listening to our ideas is the highest form of insult. Although INTJs do not hold grudges, neither do we go out of our way to associate with people who don’t give serious consideration to our ideas. You’ll be in damage control mode for quite some time, fighting an uphill battle to get back into our good graces.

Q: My INTJ won’t talk to me. What should I do?

A: What subjects are you trying to talk about? Most INTJs hate gossip, and all of us hate talk of relationships. We also don’t do small talk. Try quantum physics, psychology, or some other deep (but non-touchy/feely) topic. If all else fails, try email instead.

Q: Why does my INTJ keep correcting my grammar?

A: Probably because you are being grammatically incorrect. The next time you tell your INTJ that you’re going to “try and [do something]”, prepare to get bitch-slapped. It’s “try to”, not “try and”. And there’s no such word as “irregardless”. Words have specific meanings, and language has specific rules; please abide by them. And don’t even get us started on your contextually ambiguous use of pronouns.

Q: I have this REALLY good idea… should I tell an INTJ?

A: Sleep on it… for a week or so. If it’s still so appealing, sleep on it for another week. Then maybe run it by one of us and we’ll pick it apart for you. Your idea is more likely to survive our scrutiny relatively unscathed if you have actual logical arguments and sound evidence with which to back it up.

Q: Is it dangerous to annoy an INTJ?

A: First we will ignore you, then we will launch a volley of extremely witty but esoteric insults that will probably go right over your head, and finally we will just engage the “nod-and-smile” autopilot and go back to ignoring you. Best to leave us alone at this point. If you push us too far we may blow up your head with our telekinetic abilities. So, yes, it can be dangerous to annoy an INTJ.

Q: What are the pet peeves of INTJs?

A: Thanks for asking. Our pet peeves are:

  • We dislike surprises.
  • We hate having decisions made for us. We’re INTJs; nobody is more qualified to make decisions than us.
  • We dislike getting gifts, as it burdens us with the need to reciprocate.
  • We hate small talk, gossip, and relationship/people talk. Really anything mundane is beneath us.
  • We get particularly annoyed by attacks on our intelligence, competence, and integrity.
  • We hate it when people try to manipulate us.
  • Insincerity and lying.
  • People interfering with our alone time.
  • People who are chronically late.
  • People who talk incessantly. We will just engage our “nod and smile” autopilot and mentally go somewhere else.
  • People who are stupid, arrogant, opinionated, and/or closed minded.
  • Crooked/badly placed pictures.
  • Superficiality (body piercings, pimped out cars, brightly colored anything).
  • Salespeople. INTJs are immune to emotional manipulation and have zero tolerance for lines of bullshit.
  • Incorrect grammar and word usage.
  • People who waste our time (see Salespeople, people interfering with our alone time, etc.).

Q: My INTJ keeps disappearing. Is this normal?

A: Yes. We need our “alone time” to recharge, more so than any of the other introverted MBTI types. Being around people for very long sucks the life force out of us, and we sneak off to be by ourselves whenever our “low battery” warning light starts to flash. (And in those cases where we can’t disappear physically, we will retreat into our minds.) Consequently we have great stealth capability; we can sit in a corner, observing while being unobserved, and we can escape, unnoticed, when we’re ready to move on.

Q: Why can’t my INTJ remember anything?

A: This is normal. Most of us INTJs are very forgetful. We have too much going on in our heads at any time to remember a lot of new stuff. Also, we zone out and go into autopilot mode quite frequently. We often won’t remember where we put our car keys because we weren’t “there” when we did it.

Q: My INTJ employee consistently strolls into work an hour late and leaves an hour late, every day. He/she seems to make their own hours, however the job gets done rather well. Should I feel disrespected?

A: Time is relative to the INTJ, and getting the job done right is paramount. We do not like wasting our time, so we will often adjust our schedules accordingly to miss AM and PM rush-hour traffic. The more traffic we miss, the more time we have for books, movies, video games, books, message boards, books, etc. You should feel disrespected, although it has nothing to do with them not honoring your work rules; it has to do with them not thinking you are particularly smart or competent. If you were smart/competent, you wouldn’t be going on about getting your wittle bitty feewings hurt by your disrespectful but high-performing INTJ employee.

Q: My INTJ is very pedantic.

A: Strictly speaking, that’s not a question.

Q: Dammit, see what I mean?

A: Yes, the irony was not lost on me as I typed the previous answer.

Q: And sarcastic as hell, too.

A: Sarcasm is a free public service we provide to those within earshot. No need to thank us. We also do irony, hyperbole, word-play and puns, one-liners, quick-witted observations and flippant remarks, and abstract and deep philosophical insights on nonsensical themes. Our sense of humor tends to be dry, warped, and morbid, and not everybody “gets” us.

Q: Why does my INTJ just “shut down” at the end of the day?

A: Our minds are always buzzing with plans and theories, and we cannot voluntarily get it to stop. But even an Indy 500 car will coast to a halt after it runs out of gas. When we are very tired our brains slow down, and we become normal or even a bit retarded. If we start asking you to repeat what you just told us but more slowly this time, and/or if we can no longer perform simple routine tasks like computing an orbital transfer burn or finding a memory leak in 10,000 lines of C++ code, you know it’s time for us to call it a day.

Q: Why is my INTJ so… well, so freakin’ WEIRD??!?

A: It’s probably just a side effect of the way our brains work. Many of us tend to be rather obsessive-compulsive, for instance ordering our cd’s, dvd’s, and books by genre then alphabetically (by title for dvd’s, by group then title for cd’s, and by author then title for books, except for series which must be kept in appropriate serial order). Most of us have other quirks as well, e.g., always eating M&M’s in a specific color order, naming our children in alphabetical order, etc. It’s a small price to pay for genius, really.

Q: Why does my INTJ just start nodding and smiling after we’ve been talking for a couple of minutes?


Q: I said, WHY DOES MY INTJ START NODDING AND… Oh I get it, you’re being sarcastic again. Does it ever get old?

A: [ hey, more Wayne Newton anagrams… We Want On Yen, Ant On New Yew, Way None Went… ]

Q: Hello? Are you going to answer any more questions?

A: [ … “Hair Salon For Stray Nerd Nuns”, “Larry Moe and Curly’s On”, “Karaoke’s Not That Fun”, “Harry Potter’s Gay Stepson”, … ]

Q: Asshole. I’m outta here.

A: [ works every time 😉 ]

44 responses to “How to Deal with Me (or any INTJ)”

  1. Elizabeth Garnet says:

    As an INTJ, dead on target and absolutely hilarious, exactly what im thinking 99% of thevtine. Except I’m always late 🙂 it’s a power trip.

    Why don’t others realize how much they bore us? Not easy being an intj or their friend, but if a friend, cherished forever .

    Happy new year

  2. Reichart says:

    People would tell me I’m unique, which was code for “an a-hole the likes of which there is no other”.
    Now, I can point them at your site and say “…see, you’re wrong (again), there are others like me.”

  3. Michael Hartl says:

    Dig the post. Maybe it’s just an INTJ honeypot, but the second sentence has “INJT” in place of “INTJ”. Also, s/it’s natural conclusion/its natural conclusion/.

  4. Anna KNLH says:

    Thank you. Exceptionally useful. I have never tested INTJ, but rather INTP, and have been exasperated at the lack of information/research when well-intentioned friends and acquaintances start talking… for the love of kittens, guys. Makes me bonkers. Anyway. Thank you.

  5. Tania Velazquez says:

    Being an INTJ I truly enjoyed the pinpointed description of what an INTJ is.
    I loved it, great work!!!

  6. Rosette says:

    Holy cow. I was reading this, without knowing my personality type. So I passed the test and yup. Thanks for the laugh and for the fact that I’m not alone thinking that way!

    The comments I added while sharing this page on my generic social network… 😉

    “- I will debate you on everything. (And I mean… Everything.)

    – I don’t necessarily believe what I am debating you on. (And this is so fucking true. I’ve had arguments with people, sometimes on things that I was agreeing with them, using ideas that were not necessarily mine, just because their point just didn’t make sense or the way of getting to the point was not valid… I know, while I’m writing this, I understand this doesn’t exactly make sense either. )

    – Excuse my warped, blunt and sarcastic humour (I don’t even need to comment. You guys know me.)

    – I Don’t Understand your Emotions (or my own) (*sigh*)

    – Do Your Research

    – I Expect You to be Like Me

    – Irrationality Gets the Boot

    – Being Critical is a Compliment (If your train of thought is worth to stop mine so that I think it up and enhance it, then don’t take offence. This means you have logical and debatable ideas. It’s good. What’s not good is to stick to imperfect ideas.)

    – I Don’t Care What You Think About Me (And you couldn’t even imagine how fucking true this is.)

    – I Like Being Alone Sometimes (And by sometimes, read often. Very often. Social interactions drain my very own essence.)

    – Do Not Tell me What to Do (First of all, let me fucking try! Second, if you MUST tell me what to do, expect to be asked on the ‘why’ and to give veeeeery good answers to this ‘why’.)”

  7. Jannelle says:

    As a fellow INTJ, I related so much to this. The only thing I have found strange about the fact that this is my personality result is that I have never been particularly interested in science; especially physics. Ew. However, I am obsessed with literature, English, and especially debate. I really wish the others would stop seeing my love to debate ideas as personal attacks on them. Sheesh, whatta we gotta do to find some reasonable people around here??

    Thank you much. Carry on.

  8. Kravotius says:

    It is accurate for the most part but fails to draw a meaningful distinction between a common INTJ and a sociopath. There is a difference and highlighting some of the ways human interaction occurs successfully might be illuminating as well.

  9. Heidi Britt says:

    Thank you for giving me a resource to provide to my “loved ones” when they complain that I’m hurting their feelings again.

    I must pick apart the non sequitur in the first part of the article about not wanting to understand your own feelings. What INTJ does not want to thoroughly and obsessively understanding everything, including why we, ourselves, have emotions? I mean, aren’t we supposed to be above emotions as INTJs? Yet, there they are sometimes. WHY IS THAT?

    I think you might have been a little disingenuous when you wrote that, buddy. Isn’t the whole article an attempt to understand through explanation and demonstration your own personality and emotional (or non-emotional) interaction with the world?

    Other than that, good job!

  10. CPD says:

    A young teen once said to me “the reason I argue is so you will show me I am wrong if I am…” …and this explains it all after all these years…so much we get older, if we don’t stay flexible in our thinking and our rationalization, we are closed to life’s rational. And only a true Saggitarian with a Libra rising sign would comprehend the truths of learning forever…

  11. Mary says:

    “INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion “Does it work?” to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake …”

    THIS is the essence of what its all about to be INTJ for me. This is why I am seen as arrogant, or eccentric, or as difficult, or as disrespectful, or as “cold” or as “too passionate”. If you are selling something to me or to “my group” (my system) – and I see it doesn’t work- either I need to check out or tell you what I think is wrong. And I won’t let. it. go. But if you LISTEN to me- your (our) organization will be better for it. Don’t be an poopy-head. Just listen to me.

    Not sure I agree with all of the stuff in the article about “feelings”. Fi is the third function, but I’m middle-aged and I do know my feelings. And I am quite capable of knowing yours too if I care enough about you to put you and your life under my laser focused scrutiny and analysis. It is truly a gift for me to do this for you. It can be intense and intimidating, but if you let me, I can help you figure out your messed up life.

    The part about getting the actual JOB done and not worrying about what time of the day exactly that happens is totally true too. Support me and you will have a very loyal employee.

  12. goosey says:

    I have a problem with organising my feelings and that messes me up…totally…dont care what other think,….like a debate,…know when i am right ..and its not always …happy to learn from others but some people are rubbish..

  13. E says:

    I’m an entp but I agree with ~99% of the things said 😹

  14. Victoria says:

    INFJ, and tend to attract INTJs and loathe the immature ones. I hated living in Silicon Valley. Smart? Maybe. Rude, definitely. It’s just irritating when they correct me on technicalities and put me down for inproper English grammar when I might speak five languages or perhaps have experience on a subject. I just realized that the reason some of us can’t deal with this type is analogous to why people don’t want to own pet raccoons. 🙂

  15. Catherine says:

    I liked this, however it seemed to stereotype and pigeonhole INTJs too much. I’m an INTJ and I don’t spend my time on internet forums, not OCD refuseing to cry, and I certainly don’t believe that the world is a better place because I’m in it. Please make sure that the Meyers Briggs test is not a personality test (as your article implies) but rather how we view the world and I feel like you missed that part.

  16. jdieqZX says:

    Pretty good but a few corrections.

    INTP has a more objective structure then INTJ.
    INTP puts feelings last in MBTI, INTJ puts them third.
    In practice I have found this to be 100% true.
    INTP needs alone time as much or more. They are independent thinkers.
    INTJ does have strong feelings but they are hidden and usually involve personal attacks (pretty subjective actually).
    INTP extroverts weak feelings but hides little if any. They respond to attacks on ideas or to unfairness but realy don’t care about attacks on themselves as much as an INTJ.

  17. mimi says:

    I admire INTJ’s. I have a brain that can keep up. I think I am the best for an INTJ personality…………how can I prove that to your types OR should I not prove that I am the best to you to get a little added dating success with these personalities?

  18. km says:

    wow people, you are just delusional. If you let yourself be defined by those 4 letters, and think that if you dont do certain stuff you are not INTJ, well, God help us all

  19. INFP here. Been married to an INTJ 26 yrs. INTJ’s get worse with age. Six years into marriage, I sought counseling. After my therapist met my INTJ, he asked me “What’s a warm fuzzy caring person like you doing with a guy like him”… Sigh…. Life goes on… I’ll go talk to my house plants or go hug a tree now… Thanks for the insight!

  20. MG says:

    None of you sound like pleasant or warm individuals😞 Im currently dating an INTJ (IM INFJ) and while I can appreciate his ability to attack tasks and get things done, its hard to not feel emotionally alone in the relationship sometimes. Do INTJs not value connection with others? Do you all not value love or what? lol

  21. JD Tait says:

    There’s a difference between narcissists and INTJs. Get the fuck out of here you goofs.

  22. INTJ Woman says:

    INTJ, dead solid INTJ, and have far more emotional intelligence than this. I find many INTJ’s keep telling themselves these things to try to convince others that they are superior beings. Many INTJ’s are far more complex and emotionally able than this. I for one would never bother to argue a point in which I do not believe because I find it a waste of time. If anything, I am noted for my extreme politeness, because to me the mark of genuine intelligence is to realize that there is simply no profit in being obnoxious. I don’t take delight in harming others and find it wise to persuade with reason and observe carefully the effect I am having on another party in order to get a desired result. Humor, empathy, and understanding facilitate this goal.

  23. jrs says:

    From one INTJ to another: Fantastic!

  24. ENFP says:

    INTJs have no respect.

  25. FsLee says:

    I freaking find myself attracted to INTJs.. and understanding an INTJ is to me like reading a book written in a language I don’t know. But I accepted INTJ as an challenge 😀

  26. ANTI MBTI says:

    It most to be a sad life being an INJT…. . the differences between an INTJ and a sociophat are so few and the common symptoms are a lot. And I don’t care what do you think about my gramma, your English language is not my first language but my 3th.

  27. Theevilwriter says:

    Sometimes it’s not easy to be a female INTJ in the workplace. Doubly so when you work with more other women than men. Women are supposed to be in touch with their feelings… and I have no idea why other women attach emotions to their ideas.

    I have lots of ideas. Upon reflection many of them are stupid because they don’t work.

    The proper response to such a realization is to smother the unworkable idea in its cradle so it doesn’t grow up to cause havoc with its unworkable-ness. This doesn’t require any mourning – I will soon have a new idea that will work out better. I am content to cut my loses and move on.

    But do other women do this?

    Some do, and I tend to like those women.

    Others have an idea that is dumb. Someone (okay, me) points out why the idea is dumb and cannot work out. They do not prepare to murder the idea like they should. Oh no, instead they clutch the poor deformed idea to their breast and say that anyone who doesn’t agree that the idea is wonderful is heartless. And somehow we also think they’re dumb for having the defective idea, which also means we’re terrible people.

    They then attempt to gather support from other people who think that idea euthanasia is wrong, and the lot of them nurture the poor stupid idea for as long as they can. It tries to take stumbling steps once it gains some maturity, and they don’t let it fall on its face to prove it shouldn’t be allowed to remain in the world. No, they pick it back up and tenderly place it on its feet.

    It’s not until the idea has gained a lot of self-confidence, is hanging out in people’s offices keeping them from working, that anyone from team “shooting down ideas is mean!” begins to wonder if maybe they operated from a place of logic instead of rationality.

    By the time anyone does anything about the now malignant idea, it has moved onto playing with matches and pulling the wings off flies.

    But do people respond well when you point all that all of this could have been avoided if the idea’s originator had not been so emotionally invested in their idea? THEY DO NOT.


  28. Nicolina says:

    Female, libra, INTJ – brilliant post, right on the money

  29. Alwiya says:

    Truly relatable. Except, I rarely forget things and feel like an idiot if I do. Maybe that’s cause I have both amnesiophobia and Spatial sequence synesthasia. x

  30. Wow says:

    Wow, I’ve never seen a person (I use that term loosely, machine) say “I’m always right all the time.” in so many different ways.

    So, I have someone in my life that is INTJ. I’ve spent a lot of time looking into how to better understand and communicate with this person. Basically, everything that I’ve read, including this, basically says that if you want to communicate and have some semblance of a healthy relationship with ab INTJ than you need to do things on their terms. If you ever want an INTJ to understand you or to make a point to an INTJ you MUST become an INTJ. Yet, It’s hard to do that when INTJs seem unable or unwilling or completely uninterested in attempting to reciprocate this action back which is the exact type of thing that is prone to make a Feeler become hurt and then exhibit those awful emotion things that everyone keeps telling you INTJs about. It seems like to an INTJ that, even if you’re argument is rational and makes sense, it won’t be taken into consideration if the person making that argument is also being emotional while doing so.

    All in all, I found this article to be very well-written and informative once you get past all the braggadocio . Cheers!

  31. Mike says:

    The rest of the world probably thinks we are being manipulative, when it’s how our minds process information. Our need to question or critique isn’t a form of negative energy.

    If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s not. Rational as we are, few problems have easy solutions.

    I have an awful relationship with my mom, a polar opposite, esfj. However, she recently gave me really good advice to not try to explain or rationalize myself. We seem to be best in our own way of functioning.

    One point in the article really stood out: don’t make decisions for us, as there’s no one more qualified to do so than ourselves. If only everyone else thought like this.

    Are we emotionally immune to a good sales pitch? Absolutely. And the sales person might be worse for the wear by the end.

    Oh, I’m not offended by someone’s flashy car or tattoos. You should be your own strong individual, too. Just don’t have the attention span of an amoeba, make decisions without enough information, or believe 30 second media sound bytes.

  32. Elijah says:

    As an INTJ,I agree with most of what you said, but only with most of it…

    In the subject of feelings, it doesn’t mean that they do not have any,actually they feel it much stronger than other F types,
    They just don’t know how to express ot or simply don’t feel comfortable with showing it..
    They do it only for the people they really care for and when they do it means they really mean it and the worst you can do is to ignore or hurt it…
    It is hard and painful enough for them to ignor and hide it themselves but to see someone they care and love do so…????

  33. George says:

    INTJ peoples are master minded peoples. They are very talented and briliant peoples.

  34. EJames says:

    Absolutely spot on…except for the lateness. I am chronically late for everything. Truth is, I mostly just don’t want to go.
    Thanks for the post. Its good to be alone, but know you’re not alone.

  35. Jane says:

    Belly laugh funny post. I am a female INTJ ( Libra too) and this post is hysterical. Thanks.

  36. Essie says:

    damn, that was the most enjoyable and satisfactory thing I read today! THANK YOU!!!

  37. Norris Becky says:

    I have fallen for INTJ guys my whole life.
    It is painful when they don’t acknowledge or express feelings. Is there any hope for me ?

  38. Lanyx says:

    Wow, that definitely lifted my spirits. I love this article! Well written. I could identify with this; I’m going to learn and apply the smile and nod techniques.

  39. True Science says:

    If you can’t explain something simply, you don’t understand it well. Most of the fundamental ideas of science are essentially simple, and may, as a rule, be expressed in a language comprehensible to everyone.

  40. L.E.Harry says:

    I like this. Exactly true based on myself. Anyways, I’m female INTJ, and sometimes I get myself act like a male. Ignorant, easy to get bored, don’t like gossip talk, and my sarcastic humor. It’s hard for me to find someone that fit with my thoughts , feelings, and habits. My romance story is complicated because of my high standard. I don’t know wheter should feel sad or happy as INTJ

  41. Strange World says:

    If your only interested in the fundamental purpose of a car, getting a person from point A to B, then driver comfort will seem irrational. INTJ arguments seem very narrow focused, and thus will appear simple and rational. Arguments that deal with large complex and interrelated systems with many unknown parameters will not be as simple or rational (think social systems). Perhaps that is why INTJs prefer natural (material) sciences and engineering. Pigeons are more abundant and prolific than raptors; they are not too specific on food, mate and habitat. Turns out pigeons are the more advanced species, having a more evolved brain and producing milk substances akin to mammals. Irrational beings are more abundant and prolific than the rational beings…

  42. Sam says:

    If debate is the most important point, you’re probably an ENTP, who are shadows of INTJs, not INTJs. INTJs do not debate for the sake of debating, our Ni-Te is concerned not with making sense of ideas, but of outside reality working outside our heads. This is the Systems Building part of being an INTJ. Actual systems in reality. XNTPs are concerned with inner sense of their thinking, which is not a system in reality. This is yet another XNTP confused that he is an INTJ.

  43. Neh says:

    I don’t know how relationships with an INTJ can last then…The whole article showed INTJ as a personality type in rather harsh light with a total lack of empathy and a whole load of narcissism.I can almost smell a whiff of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

  44. Mary says:

    Omg!!! Been married to INJT for forty years. This article was so hilarious. Everything right on except the grammar part. Just recently came upon Myers Briggs. Helpful in understanding this not so easy personality. Has made me have a harder shell, but at the same time more learned in many many areas.

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